Decade decoded: The avoidables

She was a brazen item girl who shot from the hip — "johbhagwaan nahin deta woh doctor deta hai" – and claimed she never wanted toact. And just when we began to like her honesty, Rakhi became a coybride-in-waiting hailing God every time she batted her eyelashes.Jheezus! Suddenly, movies became something you had to"afford to watch" as multiplexes took the sheen off the silver screen. Where didthey put the silver? In the popcorn and drinks of course. What else can possiblyjustify the 500% markup? First, people you had made a consciouseffort to lose over the years, added you as friends. Then, they scrapped andpoked you 20 times a day believing that you too, like them, had nothing else todo in life. Then, they bombarded you with tweets full of insipid details, makingyou scream out, 'what (the #*&%) are you doing?' Hisfetish for ill-matched baseball caps was worse than his nasal twang. Faux andrepetitive electronic beats coupled with inane lyrics (fulltoo attitude/de de tuzara), insistence on singing all the songs he composed and a movie that lined upauto rickshaws in Germany as an ode to his largest fan base, Himesh you owe us ahuge karzzz. As if there was not enough territorial politics in our lives, EktaKapoor decided to dress up her hatred for the feminine mystique in expensivesilk saris, gauche gold jewellery and vivid vermilion and cast it as conniving,cunning, wily women on prime time television. Worse, the trend spread fasterthan women can gossip, proving that women are women's worst enemy. A ra rara! It was asif they didn't know what to do with 24 hours in a day. So everything, fromKareena moving in to her new home to congenital twins declaring their love forShah Rukh was of earth shattering importance. No one ever asked whether thiskind of 'breaking news' made us want to break our TV sets! Not only did they lack personality, they also did not have the kind oftalent to warrant all the money and fame they were showered with. But the faultprobably lies with the audience — we, the viewers, who blatantly love topeep into other people's lives and minds and cannot wait for the next episode.It is only the high television ratings that has prompted entertainment channelsto dish out as much dirt as they can. They show, we want, they show more. Issbungle se mujhe bachao. T20 may have brought a lot of cheer to our cricket-crazycountry, but we cannot comprehend why would a moneymaking format want to blastloud music in stadiums? To give another reason for critics to decry or becauseit has no faith in a fast-paced, star-studded match? Or because organizers failto understand that they have hired cheerleaders to cheer and not just dance toblaring music. Blame Britney Spears if you are a victim of ugly underwear beingflashed at you. Since she started wearing her jeans three inches below her bellybutton in 2000-2001, people's behind has never been the same again. Worn with abling (another fashion hazard that almost blinded us with its misuse) belt,wasted had a whole new spelling. From being thelatest rage to being banned from the runway, size zero underwent manytransformations. It was imported into the country when Kareena Kapoor lostoodles of weight and proclaimed she was India's size zero. Evidently, the numberof her hit films have also acquired the samesize. Men maywant to tone down, or up, depending on a torso-to-torso basis. But why thisNeanderthal urge to show off? If women are blamed for showing off cleavage asthey grow older, 40-something men should be taken to task for forcing us tocount the number of their abs. Blame Madhur Bhandarkar for caricaturing the glitterati in atacky movie. We have had enough with publicity-hungry no-hopers trying to beseen at social functions holding glasses of wine they have memorized names of.Coffee culture | References to the economy "opening up" should alsoinclude the "liberal" way in which customers are taken for a ride. Cafessprouting at each corner spawned an overpriced coffee culture. They also killedindependent chai shops that had decades of history, tradition and nostalgiaassociated with them. In Mumbai and Pune, Iranian bakeries and cafes weredefeated by coffee clones. Now, these overrated joints have so much else on sale— merchandise, eats, non-coffee drinks — that they will probably nothave the coffee you actually want. Ofcourse we understand that if you are small-footed, you will love large shoes togive a fake impression of size. But really, whoever thinks that rubber slip-onsin bright and unpleasing colours that will never suit Indian skin tone needs asartorial dressing down. What can be worse than ugh shoes? When these are wornwith low-waist jeans. Whatever happened to the concept of heading out for openspaces? The love for the great outdoors? The family picnics? Instead ofencouraging a love for the outdoors, parents were seen trawling along with theirkids at the neighbourhood mall. Instead of going to see the Ramleela or attendmidnight mass, families prefer the concrete comfort of malls.If Hollywood fails miserably at it most of the times, what hope does Bollywoodhave? From 'Main Hoon Na' to 'New York' to 'Kurbaan', simplistic, half-baked andunintentionally funny treatment of terrorism, mostly Islamist, madeus want to take to suicide bombing ourselves. They weretouted as the next big thing in aviation, but low-cost airlines translated intoflying bullock carts where people jostled for space and even caused a stampede.And with definite delays, overpriced food and lacklustre service, wonder whetherthe low cost was worth it atall? All the hot air about global warming has made being eco-friendlya fashion statement. Some talk about the environment without knowing how tospell it while others know as much about green plants as they do about Martians.But, the most despicable sorts are those who attend events and parties for thecause of climate change, leaving a huge carbon footprint in theprocess.Goods from our eastern neighbour have hampered domestic manufacturers, replacedtraditional products with cheap clones and even posed safety hazards, what withtoxic food and toys for babies to harmful domestic goods. What does it take toremember that even Chinese food tastes good only when it has Indianspices? They spawned a generation of bimbettes — Sambhavna Seth, NigarKhan, Shelryn Chopra, Neetu Chandra — looking like poor cousins of playboybunnies gyrating to discordant music. Many believe that they singlehandedly tookthe sheen off old Bollywood songs with remixes that were an assault on oursenses. Ouch, kaanta laga!